Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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