The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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