glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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