I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
