Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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