I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
