I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
