I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
