At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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