i wish my penis had a tongue
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
