Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please, let me fuck your mom
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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