How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just threw up on my dentist
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
