working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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