fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
