She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
