don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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