I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Shame - the story of my life.
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