Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
