I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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