I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
