I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
