Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish you could order shots online.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
