you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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