someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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