I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
