sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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