I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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