Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
