Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
