@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
