420 ftw
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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