I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
