I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
