All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
