watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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