Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
