Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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