She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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