Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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