Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
