The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
