Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
