Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
