My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
