So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
