I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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