Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
