She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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