MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
