My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
