I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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